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Movie Review
by John Holliday
by George Taylor
by Christian Fannin
COMING SOON!
[Our editor, Emily Bloom, brings you the best new releases in her "DVD / Blu Review" article. No filler, no hype, only movies and TV shows we personally buy.]
Since the last two weeks were so bare with quality releases, we've decided to have a little fun by showing you the kind of crap we have to filter out to bring you the good stuff. This week brings the absolute worst of the worst. The titles that don't deserve to be called "movies" and are so horrendous that they're not even worth a purchase for laughs. At least for me, I cringe so much that I can't find the humor in them beyond their cover art and trailers, some of which aren't even online.
Ever since Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino popularized grindhouse movies, low-budget filmmakers have jumped on the bandwagon because the degraded style masks their poor quality production. The problem is that the sylistic effects are always overly done and the acting and writing are so terrible that it STILL shines through. Shriek of the Sasquatch is just another one of those unfunny and uninteresting attempts. I don't believe that this DVD was made to be funny, but that the end result couldn't sell on it's own and the cover art was created to imply that it's a movie that pokes fun at itself. It's not. It's jutst plain bad. By the way, the actual sasquatch is literally a guy in a gorilla suit with an off-the-shelf Halloween mask. The mouth is molded to be permanently open…
So you have to be interested in the bonus material on this gem, right? To my surprise, there actually are some special features. They're just the generic "deleted scenes" (there was no studio that made them delete any scenes) and trailer (that never played anywhere besides this release and on YouTube) but they're only included to look like a selling point. Add it to your cart over at Amazon if you dare.
Oh, but we still have Bollywood garbage (the one with the overly gay cover), telenovella drama, and (if Tyler Perry wasn't bad enough) a Tyler Perry rip off. Admittedly, Rocksteady wouldn't make me want to gouge my eyes out if I had to watch it but the cover art is so "90's CGI" that it had to be included. I'm not even saying the Madagascar and The Mummy spin-offs aren't enjoyable for their target audiences but keep in mind, Operation: Blowhole is the title of a kid's movie. The other picks aren't excusable by any stretch of my editorial imagination though. Rick Springfield's police / vampire film FINALLY makes it to home video which you can double feature with Cop in Drag. Just so you know, all these titles came out in the last two weeks so you're welcome for filtering out these types of releases in the regular column every single week.
Did your pal Emily miss your favorite new release title? Are you sure you aren't the only one that likes it? Let her know at: emily@cineweekly.com
The 7th Voyage of Sinbad
- Dynamation
